I am very rarely alone.
If I am using the bathroom or taking a shower, these usually include an audience. If I am shopping, I have an entourage. If I get so mad that I lose my cool, I have three little sets of eyes watching all of my crazy antics and giving each other the "Here she goes again" look.
When I am working out, I am surrounded by other people working towards health and fitness. When I am at church, I am surrounded by a warm community of Christians. When I am at MOPS, I am surrounded by other moms trying to navigate the challenges of motherhood.
I have three adorable children. I have a loving husband. I have amazing friends and a wonderful extended family.
But sometimes I still feel lonely.
Never alone, but lonely.
Sometimes I feel alone with myself. My weaknesses. My idiosyncrasies. My shortcomings. Alone with the responsibilities of my life. The things only I can do. The things no one else can do for me. Alone.
Alone.
My head feels alone, but my heart knows better. From deep within, I feel the message rising up, reminding me. I recall the words of Psalm 139, gently guiding me back to the truth.
"O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
These verses have always been some of my favorites from the whole bible. It is so crazy to think that the God of the Universe is always with me. He is intimately acquainted with ALL of my ways. His thoughts of me (and of you) outnumber the grains of sand. And all of my shortcomings and idiosyncrasies are part of who God made me and I am "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made."
So I don't need to feel lonely because I truly am never alone. Even in my my darkest moments. Even in my times of doubt. Even when I feel a little cuckoo. Even then He is still with me.
The only problem with this is that between the God of the Universe and my three children, I think I am going to need a bigger bathroom!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
L-Dub
I think I've posted before about how when I graduated from college I wanted nothing more than to get out of Lake Wales. I did, too, for a month, before I was offered a job here I couldn't pass up. I was never able to "get out," and then I met my soon-to-be husband and the rest, as they say, is history. Now, though, I love Lake Wales, and I thought this week I'd share with you some of the things I like about this small town in central Florida.
1. Orange blossoms - Yes, they make me sneeze, but they smell heavenly. I especially love driving around in 75-degree sunny weather in February and March with the windows down, smelling these gorgeous flowers.
2. Sandhill cranes - I regularly see them feeding in my yard, which delights my boys to no end.
3. Oranges on the road - I love to try to run them over. They make a fabulous "squish."
4. Plant City strawberries
5. the Lake Wales Art Show
6. Fat Boy's Barbecue - no ambiance, iffy service, but the food is cheap and the sweet tea can't be beat!
7. Circle of Friends - A ministry in our town for mentally handicapped citizens. I am amazed that this organization exists and thrives in such a small town.
8. The Care Center
9. MOPS - We have a very accepting group here, which, I have learned, isn't true everywhere.
10. Bok Tower Gardens
Any more I've forgotten?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
You Know You're a Motley Mom When...
My aunt recently emailed me some news that would make most grocery shoppers' blood run cold. Not to make light of someone else's tragedy, but this is my actual, rather motley stream-of-thought email response to her note that "last night's murder/suicide was at MY Publix!"...
Donna: Oh my gosh! I hadn't heard anything about it here. That's scary. I wish our Publix filled online orders for pickup. That would be awesome. I'd never have to drag our two kids through the grocery store again...my own grocery nightmares actually never involve murderers. Just really whiny kids who think popping the air out of the bag of frozen peas and watching how far they scatter is what grocery shopping is all about. Aaaargh! Actually, B was trying, unsuccessfully, to be a good helper by getting the peas out of the freezer section for me. But he spent too long doodling on the inside of the foggy freezer door and when I snapped at him to "hurry up and get the peas!" he grabbed them a little too hard and, "POP!" Then he realized he could "ice skate" down the aisle on the frozen peas. Yep, we are awesome everywhere we go.
Just thought I'd share that little exchange, since you have probably had plenty of your own "Grocery Nightmares" over the years. Don'tcha just love shopping with the kids?!
Donna: Oh my gosh! I hadn't heard anything about it here. That's scary. I wish our Publix filled online orders for pickup. That would be awesome. I'd never have to drag our two kids through the grocery store again...my own grocery nightmares actually never involve murderers. Just really whiny kids who think popping the air out of the bag of frozen peas and watching how far they scatter is what grocery shopping is all about. Aaaargh! Actually, B was trying, unsuccessfully, to be a good helper by getting the peas out of the freezer section for me. But he spent too long doodling on the inside of the foggy freezer door and when I snapped at him to "hurry up and get the peas!" he grabbed them a little too hard and, "POP!" Then he realized he could "ice skate" down the aisle on the frozen peas. Yep, we are awesome everywhere we go.
Just thought I'd share that little exchange, since you have probably had plenty of your own "Grocery Nightmares" over the years. Don'tcha just love shopping with the kids?!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Financial Fun Part 1: The MASP
Today I am going to start a series of posts about managing home finance. I am a devoted fan of Dave Ramsey, so most of what I tell you is what I have learned from him and others like him such as Larry Burkett and Thomas J. Stanley. I'm just going to tell you what is working for us, and I invite you to share your own successes. Hopefully through a friendly and helpful discussion we can help everyone reach the financial goals that are specific to each of us.
Our current financial goal is to put 3-6 months of expenses into an Emergency Fund Savings Account, so we are focusing on saving money. Creating a cash flow plan (AKA a "budget") has truly helped us use our money more wisely and we have been able to find extra money every month to put towards our goal. We call it our Monthly Allocated Spending Plan, and for the sake of typing I will refer to it as our MASP from this point onward.
Google Doc of Our MASP
We started our financial renovation with a MASP from the appendix of The Total Money Makeover. It was a great start, but over the months we have been able to modify that document and now we are saving more than ever, we have money for what we need, and we rarely feel like we have to pass by something we really want. (You should know that we have modified our approach to purchasing also, but I will discuss that in a later post!)
The main thing that has helped me manage our MASP is including the recommended percentages for each spending category. I put the recommended percentage next to the category, and because I use Excel for our MASP I created a formula for each category to calculate the percentage of the amount we are actually spending. This has truly helped me to see if we have any overweight categories--for example, our utility expenses are usually high due to a couple factors, one of which is the amount we spend on TV, Internet, and Phone. Since it's so obvious that these are issues when I see the percentages, this is something we will definitely tackle when our contracts are up this summer.
This is my monthly strategy:
1. Determine as accurate a picture of our income as possible, including salary, travel reimbursement, etc.
2. In our family, we do choose to tithe, so before anything else is paid we deduct the tithe amount.
3. We put at least 10% of our net income each month into savings, so I start with that figure. As I calculate down the list I add as much to that as I find.
4. Next is housing and utilities. The mortgage does not change, but utility bills can change drastically in our area due to the crazy weather, so my plan of attack there is to always budget for the highest utility bill we have ever received (that is the second reason our percentage is high in that category). Again, our goal is to save, so not only are we prepared for the worst case scenario of energy bills, but when our bill is not as high (which is most of the time) we are able to deposit the difference into savings. I think you'll see that I use the tricking-myself-into-saving approach quite a bit!
5. Next, I check my calendar. My calendar is my all-time necessary tool for giving our money names. I look for meetings, appointments, fees that are due, the number of grocery shopping days in the month, the number of Wednesday night church dinners, the number of Sundays for our son's offering...all of those expenses are recorded at the beginning of the month so that on that last Tuesday of a five-Tuesday month we aren't struggling to find grocery money.
6. Last month I realized that I was spending money every month on certain things, but I wasn't specifically allocating money for them. I added Gardening and Newspapers to my list, and now I'm not digging through the change jar to buy fertilizer and papers!
7. For what is left of the month, I consider the other categories like entertainment and clothing. This month is Spring Break, so I have added more to our entertainment budget than usual. At the beginning of the school year I will need more money for clothing. Again, I keep all of these allotments within the suggested percentages.
8. Finally I identify any expenses that can be paid in cash, and I highlight those in yellow. I write myself a check for these, and I put the money into our envelope system to be used as needed throughout the month. I will go into detail next week on managing and really working the cash envelope system.
Budgeting is just giving money a purpose and a name, and it has truly helped us to put our funds where they need to go. I hope this helps!
Our current financial goal is to put 3-6 months of expenses into an Emergency Fund Savings Account, so we are focusing on saving money. Creating a cash flow plan (AKA a "budget") has truly helped us use our money more wisely and we have been able to find extra money every month to put towards our goal. We call it our Monthly Allocated Spending Plan, and for the sake of typing I will refer to it as our MASP from this point onward.
Google Doc of Our MASP
We started our financial renovation with a MASP from the appendix of The Total Money Makeover. It was a great start, but over the months we have been able to modify that document and now we are saving more than ever, we have money for what we need, and we rarely feel like we have to pass by something we really want. (You should know that we have modified our approach to purchasing also, but I will discuss that in a later post!)
The main thing that has helped me manage our MASP is including the recommended percentages for each spending category. I put the recommended percentage next to the category, and because I use Excel for our MASP I created a formula for each category to calculate the percentage of the amount we are actually spending. This has truly helped me to see if we have any overweight categories--for example, our utility expenses are usually high due to a couple factors, one of which is the amount we spend on TV, Internet, and Phone. Since it's so obvious that these are issues when I see the percentages, this is something we will definitely tackle when our contracts are up this summer.
This is my monthly strategy:
1. Determine as accurate a picture of our income as possible, including salary, travel reimbursement, etc.
2. In our family, we do choose to tithe, so before anything else is paid we deduct the tithe amount.
3. We put at least 10% of our net income each month into savings, so I start with that figure. As I calculate down the list I add as much to that as I find.
4. Next is housing and utilities. The mortgage does not change, but utility bills can change drastically in our area due to the crazy weather, so my plan of attack there is to always budget for the highest utility bill we have ever received (that is the second reason our percentage is high in that category). Again, our goal is to save, so not only are we prepared for the worst case scenario of energy bills, but when our bill is not as high (which is most of the time) we are able to deposit the difference into savings. I think you'll see that I use the tricking-myself-into-saving approach quite a bit!
5. Next, I check my calendar. My calendar is my all-time necessary tool for giving our money names. I look for meetings, appointments, fees that are due, the number of grocery shopping days in the month, the number of Wednesday night church dinners, the number of Sundays for our son's offering...all of those expenses are recorded at the beginning of the month so that on that last Tuesday of a five-Tuesday month we aren't struggling to find grocery money.
6. Last month I realized that I was spending money every month on certain things, but I wasn't specifically allocating money for them. I added Gardening and Newspapers to my list, and now I'm not digging through the change jar to buy fertilizer and papers!
7. For what is left of the month, I consider the other categories like entertainment and clothing. This month is Spring Break, so I have added more to our entertainment budget than usual. At the beginning of the school year I will need more money for clothing. Again, I keep all of these allotments within the suggested percentages.
8. Finally I identify any expenses that can be paid in cash, and I highlight those in yellow. I write myself a check for these, and I put the money into our envelope system to be used as needed throughout the month. I will go into detail next week on managing and really working the cash envelope system.
Budgeting is just giving money a purpose and a name, and it has truly helped us to put our funds where they need to go. I hope this helps!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
The Marriage Ref
Have you seen the new TV show: The Marriage Ref? It has REAL life couple fighting and then a panel of "experts" (funny celebs that make fun of them like: Kelly Ripa and Jerry Seinfeld) give advice to the "ref " and then he declares the winner.
Sometimes that is what me and my Hubby need... some one to declare a winner and then we can move on! So today we are letting the Motley Moms be our Marriage Ref!
Here is what we are arguing about.... the taste of Ketchup... is it more salty or sweet?
My Hubby says it is salty. He looked at the back label and it is 9% of your sodium and it has salt listed as an ingredient.
I think that is is more sweet. There is sodium in pop and that is not salty. Also there is Fructose corn syrup listed BEFORE the salt on the ingredients which is sweet... and tomatoes are a fruit which has a little bit of a sweet flavor.
My Hubby's come back is that I am a salt lover so, my salt taste is off... it does not taste salty to me unless it is REALLY salty.
My come back is, yes, I am a salt lover... BUT he is a sweet tooth so I can use the same argument for him and the sweet taste.
So, this is where you come in. We decided that we will put up a poll and what ever you decide will stand!
Please help us! : )
Sometimes that is what me and my Hubby need... some one to declare a winner and then we can move on! So today we are letting the Motley Moms be our Marriage Ref!
Here is what we are arguing about.... the taste of Ketchup... is it more salty or sweet?
My Hubby says it is salty. He looked at the back label and it is 9% of your sodium and it has salt listed as an ingredient.
I think that is is more sweet. There is sodium in pop and that is not salty. Also there is Fructose corn syrup listed BEFORE the salt on the ingredients which is sweet... and tomatoes are a fruit which has a little bit of a sweet flavor.
My Hubby's come back is that I am a salt lover so, my salt taste is off... it does not taste salty to me unless it is REALLY salty.
My come back is, yes, I am a salt lover... BUT he is a sweet tooth so I can use the same argument for him and the sweet taste.
So, this is where you come in. We decided that we will put up a poll and what ever you decide will stand!
Please help us! : )
Friday, March 5, 2010
Motherhood--The Great Equalizer
It doesn't mater who you are...Motherhood is CRAZY HARD.
So you've got a degree from Harvard? You were crowned Miss Tennessee? You've published several books? You used to earn six-figures on Wall Street? You speak five languages?
Unfortunately, your kids don't care.
You could be a brilliant physicist who has given lectures all over the world, and your kids are still going to run away from you in the parking lot.
You could be a former Super Model and your kid is still going to puke all over you on the day you forgot to bring along an extra shirt.
It doesn't matter what your old life looked like, your new life is going to include poop, and snot, and whining, and sleep deprivation.
Motherhood--the Great Equalizer.
I have been amazed by the incredible caliber of women that I have met since living here in Connecticut. Being just outside New York City the number of highly educated, highly successful women is remarkable. And then I have been struck by the fact that no matter who these women are and what they have done, at this point in life we share this common thread called motherhood. A fact that seems to negate all of our previous successes and failures and puts us all on equal footing.
All the training in the world cannot fully prepare you for motherhood. It is truly trial-by-fire. Survival of the fittest. Or maybe just plain survival. Being fit comes later. Like when your kids are in school. Ha!
So here we are...mothers: young and not-quite-as-young, rich and not-quite-as-rich, organized and totally disheveled, beautiful and smokin' hot... All of us are in this together. And we need each other to make it through.
We need other moms to tell us what kind of diaper rash cream works the best. And how to get our children to sleep through the night every night (before someone gently tells us this is an idea someone made up to entice people to procreate). We need other moms to give us advice about when to stop letting our sons see our hooters. And to laugh with us when we are pregnant and we thought our water broke, but it turned out we just peed our pants. Or maybe when we're NOT pregnant and we just peed your pants. (Happens to the best of us! Maybe even while we are laughing with you. Heck, it might be happening right now.)
Laughter is the best medicine.
It can cure me of total insanity. It can calm the raging bull within me. It can make the most disgusting things imaginable, hilarious. (Or Ha-Larious as I am known to say. :)
So the next time you are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, alone...just say, "Regis, I'd like to phone a friend..." Once you've had a good laugh, you'll feel like a million bucks. Now there is no telling what your children have gotten into while you were on the phone, but a little crayon on the wall is a small price to pay for your sanity.
All this to say...some of us have done amazing things in the past, some of us will do amazing things in the future. But, as mothers, we are ALL embarking on this amazing journey called Motherhood. A journey that is both amazingly wonderful and amazingly difficult. A journey that will last the rest of our lives.
Hmmm, that's a looooong journey. No wonder we are ALL so AMAZINGLY TIRED!!
So you've got a degree from Harvard? You were crowned Miss Tennessee? You've published several books? You used to earn six-figures on Wall Street? You speak five languages?
Unfortunately, your kids don't care.
You could be a brilliant physicist who has given lectures all over the world, and your kids are still going to run away from you in the parking lot.
You could be a former Super Model and your kid is still going to puke all over you on the day you forgot to bring along an extra shirt.
It doesn't matter what your old life looked like, your new life is going to include poop, and snot, and whining, and sleep deprivation.
Motherhood--the Great Equalizer.
I have been amazed by the incredible caliber of women that I have met since living here in Connecticut. Being just outside New York City the number of highly educated, highly successful women is remarkable. And then I have been struck by the fact that no matter who these women are and what they have done, at this point in life we share this common thread called motherhood. A fact that seems to negate all of our previous successes and failures and puts us all on equal footing.
All the training in the world cannot fully prepare you for motherhood. It is truly trial-by-fire. Survival of the fittest. Or maybe just plain survival. Being fit comes later. Like when your kids are in school. Ha!
So here we are...mothers: young and not-quite-as-young, rich and not-quite-as-rich, organized and totally disheveled, beautiful and smokin' hot... All of us are in this together. And we need each other to make it through.
We need other moms to tell us what kind of diaper rash cream works the best. And how to get our children to sleep through the night every night (before someone gently tells us this is an idea someone made up to entice people to procreate). We need other moms to give us advice about when to stop letting our sons see our hooters. And to laugh with us when we are pregnant and we thought our water broke, but it turned out we just peed our pants. Or maybe when we're NOT pregnant and we just peed your pants. (Happens to the best of us! Maybe even while we are laughing with you. Heck, it might be happening right now.)
Laughter is the best medicine.
It can cure me of total insanity. It can calm the raging bull within me. It can make the most disgusting things imaginable, hilarious. (Or Ha-Larious as I am known to say. :)
So the next time you are feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, alone...just say, "Regis, I'd like to phone a friend..." Once you've had a good laugh, you'll feel like a million bucks. Now there is no telling what your children have gotten into while you were on the phone, but a little crayon on the wall is a small price to pay for your sanity.
All this to say...some of us have done amazing things in the past, some of us will do amazing things in the future. But, as mothers, we are ALL embarking on this amazing journey called Motherhood. A journey that is both amazingly wonderful and amazingly difficult. A journey that will last the rest of our lives.
Hmmm, that's a looooong journey. No wonder we are ALL so AMAZINGLY TIRED!!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Of Privacy and Nakedness
I knew it was time to start demanding privacy when using the bathroom or showering when Ethan started asking, "Mom, where's your penis?" Of course, I had to get another opinion, so I asked my friends at the playpark one day, "How old are kids when they need to stop seeing you naked?" "Three," was the unison response, so I've really been trying to keep it under wraps, especially with Ethan. It's hard, though, being the only girl. The other 3 people in my house can and enjoy running around naked (what is it with males and nudity???), but I have to beg for privacy. The other day I was sitting on the toilet with the door closed and Ethan walked in. My response? "DUDE! Privacy! Please!" Now I have to be careful of second base, too, though. The other day Ethan walked in while I was putting my bra on and said, "Mom, what are those?" I'm attempting nonchalance because I don't want my kids to think the human body is a dirty thing and I believe in using the "real" terms, so I said, "They're called breasts. Ladies have them." "I have those!" "No, you don't. You have nipples, but you don't have breasts." "Mom, what are nickels?" Oy. Fortunately, the conversation ended there. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to start being modest in front of Micah, too. He's potty training (using that term very loosely) by sitting, unlike Ethan, who used a child-sized urinal, so I'm constantly telling him to "push your penis down" so he doesn't hose down the bathroom. The other day he and I were home alone so I left the bathroom door open and he came in. "You goes poots?" "No, just pee." "You pee the potty?" "Yep." "Push it down!" OY.
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