The Relativity of Time

"To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven."

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

Alex Update

A few months ago, I posted about my son's special needs. If you missed that post, the short story is Alex was adopted from Russia and has been diagnosed with FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). This means that he has organic brain damage because his birthmother drank when she was pregnant with him. I chose to share Alex's story to make me accountable. Alex was diagnosed in May of 2008, and 18 months later, I was still in denial. I was actually still searching for another diagnosis for him.

Now that I have accepted this diagnosis, we are on the path to a happier life, and because I am researching the correct syndrome, I am actually finding some things that work. The organic brain damage for Alex means that he has difficulty with transitions, impulsiveness and distraction. My telling him most anything verbally is usually counterproductive. He can hear what I say, but the message is fragmented and lost as it travels through his brain. This simple picture schedule and clock have made our mornings far more peaceful. The only catch is that Alex is a very concrete thinker. We eat breakfast at 7:15. He will not see 7:16 as also time to eat breakfast. We eat breakfast only at 7:15. (If you have seen Rainman - Ray's Judge Wapner at 4:00 requirement is a great visual of this.) Fortunately, I quickly learned that I can reset the clock to match the time needed.

Our clock now travels with us wherever we go. Last week, for the first time ever, we left the Target toy department without one single tear or complaint. He was so quiet that none of the other shoppers knew we were leaving. It has taken me way too long to realize that most of our battles are due to a lack of understanding not defiance.

Many people respond to me with, "All kids have trouble with transitions," or "my son is also impulsive and he is fine," or "He's a just a boy." They try to console me and help me feel better. On the contrary, it makes me feel worse. Blanket statements like this minimize our challenges and take away from Alex's successes. Denying the syndrome doesn't make it go away. Believe me, I have tried.

So, in our near future, I am hoping for a more peaceful child who can be calm because I helped him feel comfortable and safe. I am looking forward to trying to increase his attention span, and we will be working on improving eye contact. And just in case you are worried, I will not be pursuing a career as an illustrator - yet :).

If you would care to learn more about FAS, I would recommend Fantastic Antone Succeeds!: Experiences in Educating Children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Edited by Judith Klienfeld and Siobhan Wescott.

Sorry no post...

Sorry for the "no post" this week. We had my son's 2nd birthday party today and I am pooped!

BUT...

I will post pictures of the really great time we all had! I threw a construction themed party with builder games, builder food, and builder decor so stay tuned for that next week! For now I am going to rest! : )

Git R Done

"God has put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind I am never going to die."

That quote always cracks me up. Probably because I can relate to it.

I don't know how many of you have an infamous "to-do" list. I do. I am sure the iPhone has a app for this, but I still do it old school. An actual hand written list. I really like the feeling of crossing something off with a line right down the middle.

The only problem is I am not crossing off nearly as many things as I intend to on any given day, and I usually add a few more things that need to be done ASAP. So I end most days IN THE HOLE. It's really not a good feeling.

Especially when you really like to "Git R Done". Am I channeling Larry the Cable Guy? Somehow I get the feeling that Larry doesn't actually get a lot done. Even though it sounds like he intends to. I can relate to that. Hmmmm.

Like I was saying, it's not a good feeling.

Then I start to wonder, "If I am not getting my "to do" list accomplished, what am I doing?" Well, I guess I am trying to raise these three children into fully functioning members of society. Which is no small task. Sometimes I feel like keeping them alive is my full time job. Not to mention forming healthy attachment bonds with them. And helping them relate to others appropriately. And educating them about EVERYTHING from how to wipe their butts to how to ride a bike to how to manage their emotions to "How does a baby get in your tummy?". And then there is the driving and the laundry... I could go on and on.

But the thing is, none of these things even make my "to do" list. These are givens.

So maybe I should start a new list. The "Got R Done" list. A list where I write the things I do accomplish during the day. Maybe I would feel more encouraged and less discouraged. Maybe I should include the little things like..singing to my daughter when she wakes up, dancing with my kids in the basement, building forts in the living room, answering tough questions about heaven, giving my son some one-on-one attention, making meaningful eye contact, giving hugs and kisses, saying words of encouragement, modeling, teaching, disciplining and redirecting, etc. All these things take time. Time out of my day. Time that seems unaccounted for. But time spent investing in little people. Little people who will one day be big people.

It reminds me of the quote, "A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in the bank...but the world may be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child."

Lord, please show us the things that we really need to Git Done during the day. The things that will truly matter in the long run.
And please be with all the starving Pygmies down in Papua New Guinea (channeling Larry the Cable Guy again). Amen.

Discipline

Yesterday my baby turned 2, which means he's not a baby anymore. It's like a switch flipped in his brain and he decided to definitely be 2, if you know what I mean. I'm not going to use that phrase people use to describe 2-year-olds, as they're not terrible, merely challenging. Honestly, it's fun to see them grow and learn and do new things. For instance, yesterday I caught Micah in his room, climbing onto a stool so as to get to his birthday presents, which were up on Ethan's dresser. Then he pulled a chair over to the microwave in the kitchen and turned it on. Awesome.

One thing that's not fun about kids growing up is discipline. Yes, when they were infants I had to get up with them all through the night and change their diaper explosions and get hosed with spit-up, but now they have opinions. Attitudes. Yesterday when I picked Ethan up from school, his teacher did not have her usual smile on. Turns out, when another teacher asked him to scoot over in the pick-up line, he said, "No!" and smacked his fists on his knees. He also whined about the snack and refused to participate in music class. I was really ticked about him being disrespectful to the teacher, though. That I just will not tolerate. So when we got home I sat him down on the couch and explained that we do not talk to teachers (or anyone, for that matter) that way and that because he chose to be rude, he was not allowed to watch TV for the rest of the day. This was big-time punishment. Ethan's "naps" consist of him watching a movie in the guest bedroom. Yesterday, however, he had to make do without visual stimulation. At one point he came to me, chin all aquiver, and said softly, "Mom, I like watching stuff in Lori's room." (That's what he calls the guest bedroom, after my friend Lori, who is pretty much the only one who ever visits and stays in that room.) It just about broke my heart, but I didn't cave. I didn't cave later when Micah woke up and wanted to watch a video. I told Ethan he had to stay out of the den. Then, during Micah's birthday party, when he dragged Aunt Terri into the den to watch an episode of "The Backyardigans," I told Ethan he couldn't watch, that it was time for him to get a bath and go to bed. I felt like a jerk all day long. But it was worth it. This morning he apologized to the teacher he was rude to and seemed genuinely contrite. His attitude today has been excellent and he had a great day at school. I'm sure this isn't the last time we get a bad report from school or have to ban him from the TV all day, but I'd much rather deal with this now than when he's a teenager.

What a great gift!

Last weekend I decided it was time to organize all of our printed photos. Yikes. It seems like I find a new "1-Hour Photo" envelope in every box of stuff and on every shelf. I don't want to even think about all of the digital pictures that are waiting to be appreciated, either. In some ways it's fun to take a walk down memory lane, to see how we've changed. I can't seem to get over, however, how overwhelming the task at hand is.

I am not a scrapbooker. In fact, any attempts I have made to scrapbook have been horrible. The pages never look like the ones I see in magazines, and it's just too frustrating to even try anymore. I like the look of scrapbooks, and I'm very impressed with people who are able to do it, like to do it, and are actually good at it. I've settled for just putting photos into albums--you know, the ones with sleeves for the pics and then a little place on the side where I can write something if I want? The problem I'm facing now as I sift through piles of negatives and 4x6's is that I apparently haven't even felt like doing that. Again, yikes.

As I surveyed the contents of one Rubbermaid bin this weekend, I did find something interesting. When our son was born, one of my husband's friends actually made a ready-to-fill scrapbook for us. It's a little square one, and the pages have themes like "first bath" and "first food" (as in baby food). Now, I will admit that as of today there are still no pictures in it, but when I saw it I had this resurgence of hope that maybe I could actually put together a scrapbook to document those first months of the little guy's life. (Did I mention that I'm so non-gifted with this kind of thing that we don't even have a baby book prepared for him? Yeah. It's pretty bad around here.)

So, given all of the beautiful gifts we were given to celebrate our new arrival, I have to say that I may be most appreciative of that little book. It has given me something that I could never do myself, and it will keep a record of our memories for years to come.

If you are reading this and you are a gifted scrapbooker, the next time you need a gift for a baby shower and you know the Mom-to-be isn't necessarily gifted in the art, she might really be grateful for one, too. Here's to the scrapbookers of the world and for all that you do! ;)

Sleep

"I can lie down and sleep in peace for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."
~ Psalm 4:8

When I was little, I was afraid of EVERYTHING: coyotes, kidnappers, bank robbers, wild dogs, and aliens to name a few. I would wake up in the middle of the night and be so afraid. My Bible back then had a concordance, so I would sit in the bathroom and look up verses on fear.

As an adult, I am often awake in the middle of the night but now it is usually because my child is afraid. My trivial fears from my youth have been replaced by one gigantic one: I may never get another full night's sleep as long as I live! Sometimes when I can't sleep, I try to use my time wisely and pray for some of my close friends in need. On nights like those, I comfort myself by thinking that God specifically woke me up to lift that person up in prayer. On other nights, when I am not moved by the Spirit, I watch QVC. It is about the only thing on at 4:00 am. What do you do when you can't sleep? Are enough of us awake to schedule a Motley chat session in the dark early hours?

All Done!!!

I finished the felt play house with a week to spare! Hooray!

Have you ever made some thing that you just LOVE? I mean, I am so excited about how this turned out! I had visions of what this would turn out to be and they were not as good as this! Not to toot my own horn (toot toot!) but, I am in love with this play house!

Let me give you a tour:

Welcome to the front door.

Complete with a mail box...

...that opens and already has mail in it!

Let's stroll around to the side, with a tree and apples ready to be picked!

On to the back, where the tree and apples continue and you meet a friend Mr. Blue Bird.

Feel free to pick a basket of apples!

Come on around the the other side and stop to smell the roses!

It is NOT too girly, since one of the roses is blue!

Go ahead and pick a flower, and put it back for hours of fun... or use the flowers as drum sticks like my son likes to do!

Here is a close up of my MITERED edged Window... something a Carpenter would truly appreciate! I am very happy with how the windows turned out... I wish the ones on my house looked this good!

Another look at the apple tree.

Thanks for stopping by! Be sure to visit soon!

Of course, I wish that I cute pictures of my Little King playing in his new house... but as soon as I took the camera out, he had a meltdown. But, he does love it and so do I!